I wish my penis had an off switch
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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