I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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