I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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