she woke up with a sticky ear
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
