At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
