she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
