I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
