we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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