can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All the doctor said was why
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize