okay pat passed out under dana's car
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
