he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
