Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
false alarm. still invincible.
im holly from the hills drunk
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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