and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
