note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's official drugs can't kill me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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