My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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