he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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