why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
