I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
