I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just threw up on my dentist
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
