laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
