Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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