i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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