True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
