can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
