Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
