I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
