He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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