Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
