she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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