She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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