So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is the high leading the old right now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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