we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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