JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
