she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize