i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
