So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
