he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
