yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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