I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
