watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
