One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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