Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
