You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
