I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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