I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
