3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
