Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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