I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
