i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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