meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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