Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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