How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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