the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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