screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
