Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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