If that was your dad, he is hot
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
