Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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