True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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