Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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