so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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