Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm passing your future prison.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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