ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
