just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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