i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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