Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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