So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
